Snaps, sir

If you think copyeditors are reserved, formal, heady creatures permanently chained to our desks, you're a little bit right, but we can also kick some ass. Um, verbally.

Case in point, this recent excerpt from The Chicago Manual of Style's hilarious (if you're in my line of work) Q&A section:

Q. About two spaces after a period. As a U.S. Marine, I know that what’s right is right and you are wrong. I declare it once and for all aesthetically more appealing to have two spaces after a period. If you refuse to alter your bullheadedness, I will petition the commandant to allow me to take one Marine detail to conquer your organization and impose my rule. Thou shalt place two spaces after a period. Period. Semper Fidelis.

A. As a U.S. Marine, you’re probably an expert at something, but I’m afraid it’s not this. Status quo.

Newfangled

Walking home today, I saw a middle-aged guy careening down the sidewalk on what appeared to be wheels. But he wasn't riding a skateboard or wearing Rollerblades. Did he have wheels attached to the bottom of his regular shoes?

No. He had two mini skateboards, one for each foot. They were squarish and silver, and they looked hard to manage. His legs kept shooting away from each other, since he basically had to face forward and sideways at the same time to stay balanced.

It was all kind of ridiculous, but he seemed to be having a blast. What will they think up next?

Comfort zone

What comfort food has meant to me since as far back as my memory goes: mashed bananas on toast, cream of mushroom soup, and Domino's pizza. Don't worry, not in one repulsive three-course meal. It's situational.

English mother + any kind of ailment = mashed bananas on toast. I don't know if it was an honored Yorkshire tradition or an early parenting inspiration (can't leave the house, the kid's too sick...those bananas are about to go off...hey, here's a loaf of bread), but it stars in all my childhood sickbed memories. During a holy trinity of illnesses in spring 2005—flu, strep throat, double ear infection—it was the only thing I could stand to eat, once I could swallow. But if you offered it to me on a normal day, I'd be nauseated. Seriously, I don't even like bananas.

From seventh grade onward, staying home sick from school meant ordering Domino's pizza (terrible) and watching Dead Poets Society (fantastic). Every. single. time. Then I saw the Congo, creeping through the black, cutting through the forest with a golden track....

Following a round of jaw surgery when I was 15, I couldn't eat anything but protein milkshakes and soup for six weeks. "Eat" is the wrong word, really, since my teeth were busy being wired shut. It was a dark, dark time that turned me into a weepy pile of teenage angst but somehow didn't spoil my taste for milkshakes. I couldn't touch soup for about three years afterward, though.

That exciting anecdote doesn't explain why cream of mushroom soup is one of my comfort foods. It just is. It's warm and filling and doesn't require any real effort to make. Even so, I almost never get a craving for it unless I'm upset or diseased.

The end. Tra la la.

The sweetest words ever spoken by an automated phone system

"Your jury duty is complete for one year, and we thank you for your service."

Since it's ship week and there are piles of paper the size of an overgrown toddler waiting in my inbox, this means justice has been served.

And I didn't even have to leave my desk.

A little fall

The BCS is back! Is it her swan song? Possibly.

But before she'll even consider exiting stage left, she invites you to take a gander at these autumnal scenes.

Yes, it is a royal sort of day. Or so one presumes.

Office space

On Monday, my computer at work decided not to turn on. Poof! Dead.

So now I have to use an intern's old Mac mini, which is just as adorable and silver as it is likely to crash after running InDesign for more than an hour. I have named it Dupree.

You're cramping my style, Dupree. Hop to it.

Miationary

strungover strung • o • ver adj (2007)
1 : experiencing a state of fatigue, muscle tension, self-pity, irritability, and cold-like symptoms immediately following a prolonged period of intense editorial entrapment when a : accompanied by the realization that the extra work is not truly necessary and probably not that useful but feels intellectually obligatory, and has for years now b : exacerbated by a potential 30-day period of added physical, emotional, and financial stress caused by displacing and replacing oneself in different cities with an offensive amount of stuff c : compounded by the removal or suppression of love d : resulting in a profound suspicion that all of this is self-inflicted and the inflictor should really, come on now, just get up from the computer, get a grip, and get some damn sleep.

Presidential press conferences

I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to them.

Bright lights, big city

I love Oakland. I do. But even on this cold, rainy day in my drafty cube, I have to say—I’ve been feeling San Francisco lately.

I’m a charmed wanderer in Telegraph Hill (see below): RJ’s, Coit Tower, Levi Plaza, the busy piers, long lunchtime walks up the slopes and down through North Beach, and my very first city office a few blocks away on Lombard, in case I get nostalgic for ’99.

I’m a shutterbug downtown: the pricey cornucopia at the Ferry Building, the lean and elegant architecture, the curving cable-car tracks, the eye of MOMA, the half-buried ship at Yerba Buena, tea at Samovar, cocktails at B.

I’m a happy weekender in Noe: coffee at Martha’s, brunch at Fattoush, fruit and honey at the farmers market, foofs on Clipper.

I’m a greedy consumer in the Haight and the Richmond: everything used at Amoeba, shelves of Canteens at Booksmith and Green Apple, costumes at Buffalo Exchange, kitchen gear at Kamei, happy hours at Club Deluxe, the palate cleanser of windy jogging paths through Golden Gate Park and the Presidio.

I’m at home in the Mission: burritos at Papalote and Cancun, readings at the Make-Out Room, music at the Elbo Room, drinks at the Latin American, tango and run-ins at Revolution, party shirts at Weston Wear, books at Dog Eared, friends everywhere.

To be fair, the list is even longer for the East Bay—about 12 years’ worth, give or take college and France—but something tells me if there were ever a time to cross the bridge, it’s getting to be right about now.

We’ll see.

polefaces, telegraph hill

Lazybones

I admit it: Flickr is easier and faster than my photography blog, if nowhere near as satisfying. It's like the drive-through of photo sites.

But I seem to be extra busy this month, so please excuse my artistic sloth and take a look at some delightful pictures of my trip to the homestead and an assetful weekend in wine country.

Photo essays with real stories (made of actual words and thoughts) are forthcoming . . . any day now.

Possible high point of my life

I just hung up the phone from a conference call with Barry Manilow, Brian Boitano, and Dorothy Hamill.*

Yes, this is completely true. Don't all line up to touch me at once. The glow should last a while.

I love my new job.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarry!

* Weird footnote: If you do a search on Google Images for "brian boitano barry manilow," you wind up with this picture of Bill Cosby in the first page of results. Can any of my Google buddies tell me which part of the algorithm made that choice?

Toot, toot

I'm back! And I have the color half of my photos developed. There's one black-and-white frame left to shoot in roll #2, and damned if I won't find a way to use it.

While you wait for me to finish being obsessive about scanning and posting, here's a musical interlude. Some clever Wesleyanites put together this hilarious tune. Warning: It's rated PG-13 and probably only funny if you went to college there. But if you did, it's really, really funny.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I lived in Butterfield B (aka The Butts), Hewitt 10 (on Foss Hill), high-rise, and 32 Brainerd—and I spent quality time in the squash courts. If you get through the whole song, you'll understand.

Bicoastal

Off to the homestead for my annual fall visit! If you need me, I'll be frolicking in a big pile of leaves on Rte. 47 for a couple of weeks.

I might post from the East Coast office, aka my middle-school bedroom that my mom claims to have finally made into a guest room, despite all the poster holes in the walls and those goofy glow stars all over the ceiling . . . or I may take a li'l break from computering. We'll see if my willpower holds out.

In the meantime, please enjoy these photos of my crash course in ultimate at Golden Gate Park. No, I didn't play—I'm pretty much frisbee-challenged—but it was a kick watching k2 and his crew do their thing.

Autumnally,
The BCB

Brother knows best

My brother has great taste, mostly—except for when he called me up a few years ago, almost crying with laughter, to tell me how many times he'd seen Old School. It was an embarrassing number of times. I'd already seen it, thought it was OK for a guy flick, and forgotten about it.

No, no, he said. Funniest movie ever made. Watch it again. Um, no. My list of more interesting ways to spend two hours is endless.

But tonight I succumbed to a post-nacho coma at Alyssa and Jasper's house, and they put on Old School. And you know? It's actually kind of hilarious.

I only made it through about 45 minutes before sleep seemed like a better plan, but I still think Avi deserves a shout-out for knowing—like big bros always do—the score.

Selective memory

Walking to the subway from work last night time-warped me to childhood. The air was heavy—legitimately humid, East Coast naysayers—too thick for any kind of jacket. There was a slight breeze with no coolness to it. Just about the opposite of normal San Francisco.

It was 7 p.m., the sun was setting, and it felt exactly like every Massachusetts summer when all I wanted to do was lie in front of a fan and die. Until the heat broke and the warm rain made Indian Hill into a makeshift water park.

Tonight, the same walk at the same hour was cold and gray, with a sharp, lifting wind. Short sleeves didn't cut it, leather didn't cut it, I made a meal of my hair, and the last block to BART felt like a football field. Dry leaves crinkling across my path.

It's not that we don't have seasons here. They're just fickle, so you never have the time or will to master them. But there's also no real need to try.

15 minutes

Sean and I were interviewed recently about Canteen for a literary networking site called LitMinds, run by the friendly and supportive new owners of the Booksmith in San Francisco.

They just posted it today: http://litminds.org/blog/2007/09/litminds_literary_innovators_i.html

It's a long interview, so here's the gist: Sean is pithy, I'm verbose, and we entertain each other mightily. Also, he's much taller.

Hooray!

Mawwidge

It seems to be time for a photo essay to spruce up this blog, so it doesn't get jealous of the BCS. Because, you know, blogs have feelings.

Conveniently, one of my favorite people got married the other day. Hats off to Shmosh! And his bride, the lovely Rose of Frances.


Yes, they're the cutest. But let's not forget that every good wedding weekend starts with Canteen:




Plus a handful of Joshes. My brother and I both have a Josh (actually a bunch, but two are clearly the most important). To keep them straight, we call them My Josh and Your Josh—or the Rebbe and the Doctor.

Either way, their moms are proud. Just look at those faces.




After picnics come weddings, like so.

the bride prepares

the bride declaims

the bride chats

signing the ketubah

mark observes

the wedding party

marriage? hilarious.

No celebration is complete without at least one fabulous grandma whose accessories could be used as a powerful weapon.

i wish you could see that the belt was red

It seems like the thing to do

I just realized, am I supposed to say something about hitting the 10,000 mark on my blog counter thing?

So . . . um . . . BOO-yah!

Note to self:

Don't ever wear sandals in San Francisco at night.

It doesn't matter if it's 90 degrees all day long, if you can stroll around in a skirt and T-shirt in the sunny sunshine at lunchtime, kicking up your heels and wishing there were no such thing as an office or a deadline, imagining a beach or a meadow or a grassy knoll, possibly all three at once, without any shoes at all.

That very night, and every single night ever in the history of San Francisco, it will turn into the Arctic.

Shivering is for the weak. Just suck it up and wear boots.

In the hoods

Sorry for the quiet stretch, I've been Canteening and getting mud baths in Calistoga. It's all very draining.

I've also been tied up at work revising our house style guide, which is pretty much the first task any editor does at a new gig. There are so many discretionary points in spelling and grammar—a lot more than you'd imagine—that every publication needs to get its preferences down on paper.

And since I'm chiefing these days, that makes me The Decider. The Denizen of Style. The Grammarnator. The Comma Chameleon. They haven't given me a special hat and cape yet, but I figure it's only a matter of time.

Anyhoo, there I was working on the style guide, and it turns out there was no list of San Francisco neighborhoods for everyone in editorial to obey. So my boss and I put one together.

Here it is, including commonly used bastard hybrids (like BayCowGulch) and all the possible iterations of the biggies (Lower This, Upper That):

Bayview, Bernal Heights, the Castro, Chinatown, Civic Center, Cow Hollow, Diamond Heights, Duboce Triangle, Eureka Valley, Excelsior, Financial District, Glen Park, the Haight, Hunters Point, Ingleside, Inner Mission, Inner Richmond, Inner Sunset, Japantown, Lower Haight, Lower Fillmore, the Marina, the Mission, Mission Bay, Nob Hill, Noe Valley, NoPa, North Beach, Outer Mission, Outer Richmond, Outer Sunset, Pacific Heights, the Panhandle, Parkside, Polk Gulch, Potrero Hill, Presidio Heights, the Richmond, Russian Hill, South Beach, South of Market (SoMa), the Sunset, Telegraph Hill, the Tenderloin, Tendernob, Twin Peaks, Union Square, Western Addition, West Portal.

Natives and transplants: If we're missing any, please let me know. There's a shiny copper penny and a big hug in it for you.