Two unexpectedly fantastic things

Forever Stamps
Let's play a game. The one where I'm no longer 28, but magically 90. Ready?

I remember when pay phones cost a dime and stamps cost 20 cents. Not postcard stamps, real stamps. Only a handful of pennies to mail a handwritten letter or a nice birthday card to anyone all over our fine country.

But since my childhood ended and Norman Rockwell moved away, they've been jacking up the price every other month, and suddenly stamps are 41 cents! Ridiculous.

Except for this saving grace: the Forever stamp. Whether you ignore its stupid name or write it all over your Trapper Keeper, you have to admit these expiration-free stamps are the best idea America has ever stolen.

(Thanks, England! And 29 other countries.)

Tilex® Mold & Mildew Remover
OK, in this part of the game, I'm Donna Reed. You can be her doctor husband or the family dog, whatever you're into.

I love my apartment more than most things, but the shower is a serious drag to clean. Not that any shower is fun to clean, but some are easier than others, and this particular shower has an evil brand of tile with a stubborn soapscum/mildew fetish. It just can't get enough.

Until now! After trying quite possibly every brand of tile cleaner available in California, from the most organic to the most chemical-infested, I finally found The One that works: Tilex Mold & Mildew Remover.

Spray it on, give it some privacy for about 15 minutes, then come back and rinse. No scrubbing, no ruined nails, no coughing fits from all those gnarly chemicals.

Don't get me wrong: Tilex is chock full of ingredients people were never meant to inhale. But you don't have to touch them, and that's beautiful. So is my sparkly, sparkly shower.