Windex kills ants

Before you go rushing out to buy Raid or Ant-B-Gone or any other specialty poison The Man tries to sell you, hear this wisdom from your trusty pacifist vegetarian friend: Windex kills ants. Like gangbusters.

Poor little innocent ants? Frolicking little happy little ants? Yes. I'm all for their right to live free in the woods and the wide open fields, where they might do some good in the natural balance of things (though I don't know what exactly), but they don't do a damn thing for the natural balance of my bathroom. Which they decide to invade last night. In hordes. And that just ain't right.

Now they're gone. Gone, gone, gone to the happy ant palace in the sky. Because Windex, ladies and gentleman, kills ants. In case you didn't learn it from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I'm here to reinforce to you that Windex is the cure for all your cleaning needs, pest-related and otherwise. That is today's lesson.

The other lesson is that I'd prefer not to shower in an ant mortuary ever again. But killing the ants turned out to be easier than cleaning them up, especially when it was late and I was tired and didn't have much light to work with.

But they'd better not try to come back. I have a giant bottle of Windex, and my conscience is crystal clear.